White rabbit

It reminds me of how Alice must have felt trying to explain the white rabbit or the Cheshire cat.  Or maybe the frustration Dorothy felt when trying to recount the parallels between Oz and Kansas .  A Week has passed me by and I am not sure how it happened, although I am going to try to piece it together in this blog.

Tuesday morning, in a completely uncharacteristic manner, I woke up fifteen minutes late for work ,barely able to talk, finding it extremely difficult to breathe, a slight fever, I had too call in sick to work.  Sick, however, could not describe it in quite the right detail.  I was sensitive to the light outside and unable to drive myself to doctor. 

I called my mom, my friend Kim, and was even offered a ride to an urgent care clinic.  I was diagnosed with a stress migraine and given a shot Imitrex. Next thing I know I was picking up a prescription that was supposed to keep migraine at bay.

The prescription was sort of barbiturate with codeine, caffeine, and Tylenol. Having a history of bad experiences with pills, I should have known better.  After the first few doses, I could not tell you what day it was.  I couldn’t eat, all I could seem to do what sleep.  I didn’t even wake up to the sound of my phone.

I did not take more than what was prescribed.  Yet, I could not walk without seeming drunk and often I could not string together two coherent words.  At the advice of one of my dearest friends, I flushed all of the pills down the toilet.  I must admit, however, that it was all a blur.  I could not get off the couch for at least a couple of days.  A few times, I  even wondered if I was dead. 

I would hope anyone who knows how seriously I take my sobriety that this was not some sort of intentional binge.  It has been quite a hellish experience, one which I expect to wake up from anytime.  In fact, my desire to share the truth of what I have been through has been on my mind during my few glimpses of clarity.  This was worse than drunk.  It has been more like a detour through hell.   I will be going back to sleep.  When I wake up I hope more of the fog will have lifted.

I truly felt lost. All the life had been drained out of me. Worse yet was this overwhelming sense that all my loved ones not only didn’t believe me, but had abandoned me. I know what wasn’t true, but it felt real at the time, and I it made me very sad. I didn’t have a single drop of alcohol, but by listening to my slurred speech, you would think I either had gotten into some booze, or I was having a stroke.

I am counting on my Higher Power to reveal more to me so something like this never happens again. My sense of humor is hereby suspended for an undetermined amount of time.


One thought on “White rabbit”

  1. “The Truth shall set you Free”!
    Takes alot of strength to be honest, to post this and do what you did.

    Thats Awesome !!!!!!!

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